Monday, 21 October 2013


Hello peeps! Please wish my guest today on Paula's People a huge 'hello'. Quirky, alternative and humourous - Mr Glenn Scrimshaw!
PS Glenn is giving away a copy of The War of the Coffee Bean so just comment on the post to be in for a chance!

So to start I would like to say thank you for allowing me on here and for the sleepless night I just had trying to think about what I would say today. No script or questions to answer, just talk about you….
        Well this could end with people asking for a refund on the five minutes of their life they just lost. Talking about myself and what I do isn’t the easiest thing in the world for me. You see I never set out to be a writer and unless there is a drastic change in my life then I would never be able to class myself as an author either. For me an author is someone that plans and struggles as they create a world to take their readers to. Well think of me as more of that guy down the pub that tells the daft stories over a few drinks.

So I know some people like to know a bit of background, a where did you come from, if that isn’t your thing then skip this next paragraph.
I was born and brought up just outside Barnsley in South Yorkshire and after about twenty years I walked out. (Really I drove away in my battered old car but I’m going for a narrative here) I left on good terms and I go back often to visit family but this was the post Thatcher years and a pit village without a pit didn’t give much employment opportunities. Also I had this crazy idea that I would go to university and study art so I was tempted away to Sunderland. This idea of being an artist didn't really work out and I only lasted a year, looking back I think I had commitment issues with studying. Well that sort of ruined my relationship with Sunderland but I hung around for another year or so before I began a few years of moving around working for a living. My nomadic period sort of ended though when I got married and I’ve now ended up living in Amber Valley in Derbyshire for about fifteen years. (For those not from the UK, near Nottingham so just think Robin Hood)
      As I said earlier I just sort of fell into writing by mistake, it wasn’t something I ever considered as English wasn’t a strong point for me at school. It all began with me posting ‘in character’ on an online game discussion board. Basically I was just being daft with a few other people and seeing where it went and how many others would come along for the ride. One of my friend there said I should try and write a book so I began writing a daft story and posting it online. I was really surprised when people actually read it and started saying I should get it published. With no idea in the slightest what I was doing I gathered all the bits of the story together and knowing no better I self-published. This was really as I wanted a copy on my own bookshelf, people may like a free story but they’d never pay money for mine. By some miracle the owners of Gingernut Books got hold of a copy and offered to help me clean up my story and fix the grammar. (Really it needed totally re-working and introducing to English grammar and punctuation but they phrased it politely.)
     So there I am with my first book, a Sci-Fi comedy called the War of the Coffee Bean, it’s the first book in the Alienbutt Saga (number 2 is now also out, The Rise of Mr Fluffy.) This is the story of a bored, failing Alien taxi driver who discovers he is the only hope to save the universe from the most addictive drug ever know. Coffee is the drug that has enslaved almost every alien species as the corporations that produce it take over the Universe. As a war breaks out our often drunk, junk food addict hero must try to survive and become a hero in the universe wide war on drugs.
As well as this I’ve also wrote a few e-book short stories that are available. Firstly there is my Vampire Eloim series, I’ve just finished the fourth instalment and it should be out later this year. These stories follow the misadventures of a teenage vampire who grows up amongst his large vampire family. Eloim is strange, he steals his sister’s clothes to wear and is always finding trouble that his family have to try and save him from. Things take a turn for the worse though when he makes an enemy of a Demon Lord.
    Finally I have John the Barman, a short story of a strange pub where the customers are all of the supernatural kind. This tells of what happens to the old gods, what Lucifer really wanted to do with his life and why Death struggles to find a date with online dating agencies.

 I write my daft little stories using the whisky method of storytelling; I drink a few glasses and then start to type as I drink a bit more. In the morning I look to see what I came up with and just hope I understand where the story is going. If you enjoy a bit of stupidity with your stories and as one review put it ‘toilet humour at its best/worst’ you may find some amusing stories, no promises on that though.I’m around on a few sites but tend to be easy to get in touch with on my Facebook page so if anyone wants to drop by and say ‘hi’ you’ve been invited.
Thanks for reading and hope you don’t try to claim a refund for the life you just lost reading this. You can check out my books at the Gingernut website and follow me on Facebook and twitter.

Gingernut Books 
Twitter: @p_alienbut


  1. if somewhat surreal. What a stream of consciousness but certainly entertaining and imaginative.

  2. That sounds like fun to read. The whisky writing method? I feel the need to try that!

    1. it's a good method, honest ;)

  3. I prefer the beer method myself! I can't stand whisky since the Milleniun! Oooh never again! Great fun read.

    1. Beer is good too.

  4. Firstly, I don't blame you for walking out on Barnsley (I know that was really the reason). My ancient heritage is of Merthyr Tydfil and I once returned to check it out. Oh my goodness! That really is a pit without a pit! Pit of the earth, comes to mind and there's only so many boarded up windows and shops you can take. That was a while back now so maybe (hopefully) things have changed for the better. I really like the idea of a pub where the clientele are all of the supernatural variety. Sounds just up my street. In spite of your fears, this wasn't five minutes wasted! :)

    1. Pit towns without a pit do lose there way